My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I just want to make out with him forever
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
