I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
