I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
