I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Randomize