Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Randomize
