so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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