Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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