So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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