i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
