i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
