Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
