A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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