You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
