I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
