i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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