After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I lost the right to judge tonight
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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