just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
