So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Did I show you my penis last night?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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