My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
