a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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