I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
