I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
