this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
