i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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