The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
This toilet bowl is my home.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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