No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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