maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
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