Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
