that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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