You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
