end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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