He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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