Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
