you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Randomize
