I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
