cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
