you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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