I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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