Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize