Non-Jews are for practice
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
