Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize