She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
