You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
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