grandma shit on top of the toilet
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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