Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
