we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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