ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
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