well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
