I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize