There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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