yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
