I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
