I hate all girls vehemently.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
