Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
