He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
