I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
