ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Dicks are not precious.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
