Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
