textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
