I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
