why didn't you poke me back
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
