i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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