she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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