It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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