I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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