thus making me awesome and them whores
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
