So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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