all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
