He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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