Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Are we in a gay sports bar?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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