He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
