can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
