Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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