I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize