So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I just want nice things and good sex
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
