I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
