She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Slut skills are useful in every country.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
