Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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