Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
